I Refuse
by KayChan4U
Summary: *Spoilers for R2 25* How does Suzaku react when Lelouch tells him the final plan of the Zero Requiem? SuzaLuLu. YAOI. LEMON. ONESHOT.


_Disclaimer: Ugh.. sadly, I don't own Code Geass. If I did, I would lock Lelouch in my closet and never let him out._

_NOTE TO READERS: The time frame here takes place in the two months BEFORE the Zero Requiem. That means, it's the beginning of the first month before that time, and Lelouch is telling Suzaku the final plan now._

_Enjoy._

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"No!" He threw the helmet behind him, not bothering to look back at it. He couldn't accept it, even if he had promised to do this until the very end. He couldn't..he couldn't _do_ such a thing. Not to the one person he cared for the most in the entire world.

"Suzaku..you must. We must complete the Zero Requiem. We told each other we would finish it together for the sake of the world. You must kill me and become the new hero for the people." Violet eyes never left the other, not even to look at the recently discarded helmet.

"I can't do that! Lelouch! Do you even understand what you're _asking_ me?! You're asking me to kill you! To murder you in cold blood right in front of everyone! For the new world..is that what it's really for?!" Fists clenched at the brunette's sides, his eyes ablaze with anger and sadness.

Lelouch's eyes left his own for a moment, looking over at the throne he once sat upon. "..I cannot lie at this point. It might be selfish, but…not only is it for the new world, but it's also for me. I must atone for my sins, for all the blood I've shed up to this point, all the hatred I've built onto myself. People will be happier when they see this tyrant of an Emperor fall before Zero himself. You'll be the hero this time Suzaku, but not as the Honorary Britannian you once were. Being Zero is like dying. I feel like I already am at this point." A small smile formed against his thin lips, eyes half closing to a content feature.

'_How can you look like that? So calm, yet so lifeless..'_

"_Enough!_" The pilot reached over and grabbed onto the front of the long robes, bringing Lelouch within a hairs inch of his face.

"Selfishness. That's all it is! Do you know how many people _I've_ killed? How many people were killed _because _of me?! My hands are stained just as much as any other that has fought in this damn war, if not more! I have my sins to repent for as well, but _I_ can't do that! And for what reason? You! Because of your selfishness again, you told me to _live_! Now I can't die, and I must carry all this weight on my shoulders for **eternity**!"

Suzaku was panting by now, his rage getting the best of him as it just built and built.

…But Lelouch didn't look away. He stared him straight in the face and took the punishment he deserved. He would allow this now, because it was true. He was nothing but a selfish Emperor who punished anyone that apposed him.

"…Maybe you're right. But…when I cast my Geass on you, it was because…I had no other choice. You were about to die right in front of me. I..I couldn't let that happen. I had to do _something_." Dark bangs fell deafly against his eyes when he suddenly decided to place them upon the fallen mask.

"Yet you ask me to kill you? I didn't ask you to save me back then. Maybe _I_ wanted to die at that point in time. You took that away from me, so why should I grant you your wish?"

Lelouch gritted his teeth together, eyes narrowing in sorrow while his childhood friend spoke to him. He was right. By god he was right, but..

"I couldn't have that, Suzaku! You're too precious to me! I lo—"

"Don't say it! Don't you _dare_ say that in a situation like this! Don't…just…don't.." The knight felt his grip against the Emperor's clothing start to slip, slowly lowering him back to the ground as his eyes fell to their feet instead. Why? Why did Lelouch have to start that..? How could he even _begin _to tell him he loved him when he had asked him to kill him? Didn't he realize what sort if impact that would have on him? He'd be living for eternity alone with no one to seek comfort from, or to comfort. No one to talk to that knew him completely. No one to hold and say 'I love you' to. He refused to live that life. Though maybe he was being selfish now…no! Lelouch was selfish. He had taken death from Suzaku, and so Suzaku would take it from him as well.

"Suzaku…" Thin hands came forward to hold his knight's face, tilting it up to meet his own concerned look. It was as if he was tormenting Suzaku again, asking him for such a thing. But it was _because _it was Suzaku that he wanted him to be the one to take his life. He owed it to him for everything that had happened these past couple years.

Suzaku's emerald eyes had nothing but sadness in them. He couldn't help but feel as though he was looking at someone who was already dead. But Lelouch wasn't dead. Not now. His hands were warm, and he was still breathing, looking at him with those sympathetic eyes. Was he really trying to torture him? Without thinking anymore, Suzaku lifted a hand to the other's frail neck and pulled him forward, pressing their lips together in a much needed, yet demanding kiss.

The only expression Lelouch could have at this point was shock. Suzaku had been mad at him, but now he was kissing him? He hated this. He hated feeling loved by the person he asked to kill him. But he wanted it, _needed _it so badly from him. He needed it to make himself know that he was indeed still alive and having these feelings. Closing his eyes tightly, his arms wrapped around those strong shoulders, fingers tangling themselves in those curled chestnut locks.

Suzaku's other arm came to wrap around the other's waist possessively as he pulled him closer, flushing their bodies together. He had to know. Is this really what Lelouch wanted to do? Did he only want to die to atone for everything? If that was the case, then maybe _he_ didn't really want to die. Death..it was such an escape route for everything. He would be a hypocrite for saying anything otherwise, as he had been one of those people who simply wanted to get away.

Pulling his hand away from his love's neck, he brushed a gloved thumb against a pale cheek before parting their lips and hearing the faint sounds of Lelouch's breathing. He couldn't take much more of it.

"Not here."

Lelouch gave him a puzzled look, parting his lips to speak before a finger was pressed against them to silence him. What was it? Wasn't Suzaku the one that started this?

"I don't want to do this out here. Can we go to your room instead?"

Of course Lelouch knew what he was insisting upon. It only made his stomach flutter all the more. Breaking away from the embrace, he latched onto one of Suzaku's wrists and began tugging him in the opposite direction of where they were, pushing past the large doors of the throne room and turning down the hallway. It was at this very moment that he was beginning to regret ever asking Suzaku to partake in this. Though they had promised each other, and he thought his knight could go through with it. Then again, what if Suzaku was in his position? What if Lelouch was asked to kill him? He wasn't sure if he could do it either. He couldn't help but chuckle as he walked down the seemingly ever lasting hallway. That was impossible. _Of course I'd do it. Suzaku __**can't**__ die, so even if I told him no, it would be the same as saying yes because I can't kill him. No one can._

He stopped when he reached the golden rimmed door at the end of the red carpet floor, placing a hand against it. The surface felt cold. His mind began swarming again, filled with ideas of feeling cold himself, though he was broken all too soon from them when Suzaku pushed past him and opened the door, tugging him along inside with a serious look on his face.

"I won't kill you." The brunette had said out of no where, causing him to frown.

"Suzaku.."

"I won't have to dying on me for something like this! Yes, it would be the ultimate punishment for me. Having me live forever without you here, knowing that it was me who took your life. But please, don't do that to me…you can do whatever else you want, but just not that.." Almost roughly, the brunette had pulled Lelouch out in front of him after taking a few more steps towards the bed and practically threw him onto the soft surface, hearing a surprised gasp afterwards. He quickly positioned himself atop the smaller form and grabbed his wrists between one hand, pushing them up over his head before crushing their lips together once more.

"Suza--!!" Lelouch didn't even have time to breathe before what little breath he had was swept away, feeling himself become trapped between the mattress and Suzaku's stronger body.

So, Suzaku had been serious about this. Though it made Lelouch's decision a lot more harder for himself, having received Suzaku's feelings so strongly. Would he be able to part with him in two months? He didn't want to think about this, any of this. He wanted to push the Zero Requiem out of his head for this moment as if it didn't exist. That's what he decided to do. Tonight it would only be about the both of them. Nothing or anyone else. Lelouch relaxed his body in defeat, letting his eyes slip closed as he kissed back.

Feeling Lelouch's body go lax, Suzaku removed his hands from the thin wrists and brought them to the front of the Emperor's clothes, desperately yet delicately undoing any buttons or straps before sliding the white silk off his shoulders so they pooled just around his elbows.

"Lelouch.."

Lelouch had given him one of the sweetest smiles he had ever seen when he went to look back at his face. He was truly stunning. A part of him wanted to lock him away so no one else could get at him. Suzaku undid the straps to his cape, tossing it over the bed along with his gloves after he removed them. His childhood friend was flawless in everyway. Bending back down, he ran half tanned finger tips across the porcelain chest he had exposed, lips rising to attack an open neck in the waiting, giving it numerous kisses, licks and nips here and there.

Lelouch's head had craned to the opposite side, one hand moving to tangle in Suzaku's hair as he let out a series of small moans, his back arching ever so slightly. He groaned suddenly when Suzaku had pressed his hips down against his own, feeling the hardness beneath his clothing. He was sure Suzaku had felt his own as well.

"Suzaku, I—"

"I know. Be patient. I want this to last for as long as it can." Gloveless hands went to remove the rest of the robes from Lelouch's body, not wanting any of him to be hidden from his eyes any longer. He tossed the clothes onto the floor and lifted Lelouch's hips to start on his pants.

Lelouch's violet eyes lingered on Suzaku's hands, watching as they worked quickly. He thought he would be embarrassed about being exposed, but he was the exact opposite. He _wanted_ Suzaku to see him; everything about him. He lifted his hands and began to work on Suzaku's clothes next, undoing the complex looking outfit with ease and sliding it off him and onto the floor with the rest of their things. Right as he was going for his pants next, a pair of hands stopped his own. He looked up at Suzaku's face in question, only to be smiled down at.

"I want this to be about you right now. Just relax for a bit."

Lelouch sighed and brought the back of his hand up against Suzaku's cheek, sliding it down the smooth skin. "Even at times like this you're still putting others before yourself. I suppose that part of you will never change." Suzaku could only chuckle in response and took Lelouch's hand into his own, pressing a kiss against his knuckles.

"Exactly. So just keep quiet. Actually, forget I said that." Quickly tossing the pants aside, he slid down against Lelouch's body and lifted his creamy thighs up to his shoulders, forcing them apart in the process.

Lelouch's hands clenched and unclenched against the bed sheets while he gnawed away at his lower lip in anticipation. This would be his first time for any of this, and he only prayed that it wouldn't be his last while these months passed by. He wanted to experience this as much as possible.

Suzaku wrapped his hand around the other's length and began stroking him slowly, keeping his eyes locked on Lelouch's face and watched as his head went back against the bed sheets, eyes closed and a pleasant sound emitting from his lips. Moving his head down, he flicked his tongue out against the hard flesh, starting from the underside and moving up towards the tip which he soon engulfed his mouth around, tongue swirling along the slit.

Lelouch's hands gripped the blankets and his hips arched at the new feeling, a loud moan escaping him. He wasn't sure where Suzaku learnt to do this, and he probably didn't care at this point. All he knew was that it felt _so good_.

After a few more swipes of his tongue to the head, Suzaku moved his mouth down half way along Lelouch's erection, sucking firmly on the untouched skin. He placed a hand against the hips below to cease any further movement. Seen as this was most likely Lelouch's first time, he probably wouldn't have very good self control with his actions.

Suzaku began moving his head up and down and stroked what little his mouth couldn't reach, only to hear Lelouch let out another series of moans and trying desperately to buck his hips.

Lelouch's breathing had become shallow within that time. Suzaku's mouth felt just too good around him. _So hot.._ he thought.

He could feel something begin to stir in the pit of his stomach and tried pushing more of himself into the brunette's warm cavern, though the hands against his hips prevented him from doing so. It was almost frustrating.

"A-ah…Suzaku..I'm.."

Without a second thought Suzaku removed his mouth and pressed a kiss against the inside of his thigh. Lelouch opened his eyes and looked down at him, stunned and panting.

"Why…why'd you stop?"

Suzaku leaned himself up to eye level with the other and pressed their foreheads together. "I told you before I wanted it to last. Good things come to those who wait, and you more than anyone should know that, Your Highness." Lelouch could only turn his head away in annoyance, a small pout lingering on his lips. That soon disappeared when he felt a couple fingers tapping at them. Grinning lightly, he took Suzaku's hand in his own and flicked his tongue out against his finger tips, soon closing his eyes and wrapping his mouth around a couple digits and began sucking. He wasn't as oblivious as Suzaku might have thought he was.

Suzaku's eyes narrowed as he watched his fingers being engulfed, lust clouding his vision as he thought of what else that tongue could be used for. Everything about Lelouch was perfect right now. The way his hair fanned out against the sheets, the way his body glistened with the faintest layer of sweat from earlier, and the way his tongue so delicately wrapped out around each separate finger before moving to the next. It was maddening.

Feeling that his fingers had been coated enough, he pulled them back and trailed them down against Lelouch's spine before reaching his backside and tracing the small entrance there.

"This is probably going to feel uncomfortable for a bit--"

"And it'll hurt at first but just relax, right? Honestly Suzaku. I'm not a child when it comes to these things."

Suzaku closed his eyes for a moment and chuckled slightly. He should have known better to think that Lelouch wasn't going to be prepared for this. Taking that as a good note, he pressed a single digit forward, feeling it sink into the tight ring of muscle without much trouble. He kept his eyes on Lelouch's face to check for any signs of discomfort. His eyes had been closed by the time he had started and he could already tell that Lelouch wasn't enjoying it. That was going to change very shortly though. Once pressed through he began moving the digit back and forth to let Lelouch get used to the small intrusion.

It didn't really hurt all that much, but it did feel awkward. Lelouch knew he was able to bear with it though, since he would have to get used to feeling something a lot bigger in a matter of moments.

He bit his lip a bit when he felt a second digit pushing its way through him, stretching him. His body instinctively tightened around the intrusion while his nails dug into Suzaku's shoulders.

"Ngh…Suzaku.."

"I know. Just give me a moment alright? I'll make all the pain go away in a second." The knight pressed his lips against the side of Lelouch's temple while he occupied himself with stretching the other, scissoring his fingers back and forth and hearing displeased whines in the process.

He brought his fingers back together and started to move them in and out again, this time curving up a bit to try and find that one place he knew Lelouch wouldn't object to.

_If I could just…_

"Ha-ahhhh!" Lelouch's head snapped back while his eyes widened from the sudden feeling. Oh god, that had felt amazing. He wanted more of it.

"Suzaku, do that again…"

"Whatever his majesty wishes." The green eyed boy smirked as he pulled his fingers back again before pressing forward and into the same spot as before, having Lelouch cry out in pleasure again. Maybe he would tease him a bit before he gave him the real thing.

He continued his onslaught, pressing in and out and brushing firmly against the sensitive gland all the while having Lelouch's back arch off the bed and his hips press forward against his hand. Even the smallest of cries turned Suzaku on even more as he watched his love thrash underneath him.

He flicked his tongue out against Lelouch's ear, pressing his fingers up against his prostate before whispering. "What do you want me to do to you, Lelouch?"

Lelouch shuddered, eyes closed even more tightly when he felt the fingers in him begin to gently massage the bundle of nerves. It was torture. Sweet torture.

"P-please…Suzaku. I don't know if I can take much more..but I..I won't beg for it, you hear me?" That's right, because Lelouch vi Britannia didn't beg.

Suzaku only let out a sound of disappointment before he pulled himself back. "Hmm…that's a shame. I really wanted to hear you say it." He pulled his fingers out, only to have Lelouch whine in protest and shoot something that was supposed to be a glare his way.

"Idiot. You know I'd never say something like that." He silently nodded and looked around the room. Where in the world would Lelouch keep lubrication around here?

"Neh, Lelouch. Don't you keep any..you know.."

"Lube? No. I didn't think I'd ever need any. Besides, I have a much better idea." Lelouch forced himself up into a sitting position which soon followed to him resting against his hands and knees. One hand came to rest against Suzaku's hip, pulling him forward as he slid his pants down against his knees and took his already hard erection into his hand. He smirked to himself and lowered his mouth against him and lapped his tongue around the sides while his hand worked the rest.

Suzaku immediately closed his eyes and hissed through his teeth when that warm mouth surrounded him. He wondered if Lelouch somehow read his mind from before. Weaving a hand through the dark strands, he pushed the other's mouth down against him further though making sure not to choke him. He was already hard enough so he would have to control himself a bit. He was generally good at it anyways, though he lost his train of thought about it when Lelouch suddenly deep throated him, causing him to gasp and tighten his grip against his hair.

"L-Lelouch.." Dear god, his mouth was so wet and hot. He almost began to lose himself in it when he subconsciously pressed his hand down more against Lelouch's head, forcing him to go even further if it was possible. He was only able to think clearly again when he felt a pair of hands press against him hips trying to force him back, which he immediately removed his own when he realized he was probably gagging the poor teen.

"Ha…sorry. Are you okay?" Lelouch coughed for a moment before wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, nodding in response.

"Yes, but just don't try to kill me next time." Suzaku smiled weakly and removed his pants, tossing them to the floor before he pushed Lelouch down against his back again and hovered over him. He picked his legs up under his knees and placed them over his shoulders, lining himself up with the other's entrance.

"You're sure?" Lelouch's only response was that of wrapping his arms around his neck and dragging him downward for a kiss. That was the only approval Suzaku needed before he started to press forward, slowly sinking into his lover's tightness.

Lelouch's muscles clenched on instinct when he felt Suzaku's hardness press into him. He broke the kiss to let out a pained gasp and his nails dug into the flesh of Suzaku's back, causing him to wince in slight pain.

"S-Suzaku.."

"Shhh, I know. Relax a bit. I can't go any further with you all tensed up like this." The Japanese boy began drawing circles against Lelouch's hip with his thumb along with pressing a few kisses against his neck.

After a few moments of repeating these actions, he felt Lelouch relax in his grip and decided to press inward again, this time feeling a little less resistance.

Lelouch's expression was still somewhat pained, but he figured if he could just bear with it, he'd get more used to the feeling.

Once Suzaku was completely sheathed, he rested his head against Lelouch's shoulder and shuddered. He was having a difficult time trying to not come right there. Lelouch was extremely tight, but it felt so good at the same time.

Lelouch's hands caressed Suzaku's back, finger tips running in-between his shoulder blades and back down his spine. He felt like his entire being was filled to the core after just that one movement. Everything around him felt so hot. It was almost a suffocating feeling, but hell did he love it.

He shifted his hips after awhile of waiting to adjust, moaning when he felt the tip of Suzaku's erection brush against his prostate.

"Suzaku..move, please. Do something…"

Lifting his head, Suzaku complied and pulled his hips back, snapping them forward just as quickly and hitting the other boy's prostate dead on.

"_Fuck_!" Lelouch covered his mouth with his hand and squeezed his eyes shut, his back arching off the bed to meet the thrust.

Suzaku only chuckled and tilted his head to the side while his hands ran up and down the other's hips. "Too fast?"

Lelouch opened his eyes half way and looked up at him, his cheeks coloring with a light blush. "…going." He mumbled beneath his hand.

"Hmm? I'm sorry, I didn't catch that." The brunette rolled his hips forward, eliciting a groan from the one beneath him.

"I said keep going!"

"You're awfully impatient all of a sudden.." Suzaku pulled his hips back again and thrust them forward with a bit more force, repeating the action until they were both in a steady rhythm. He knew at this point he didn't need to be gentle with Lelouch, and would probably be scolded if he was.

Lelouch had to hold onto something. Anything. His hands grabbed onto the sheets in a death grip as his body was forced upwards every second. Loud moans would come from his throat whenever Suzaku pounded against that bundle of nerves in him. He thought he was going to go crazy. Just when he thought his voice couldn't possibly go any higher, it did when a hot mouth enclosed over a nipple while nimble fingers tweaked the other.

"Ngh..ahhhh…Suzaku, n-not all at once! I..I can't.." Though it was as if Suzaku hadn't heard him at all. Once done with one side, his mouth switched to the other and his hips thrusted faster, the sound of their skin slapping together causing him to groan.

Once releasing the sheets, Lelouch's hands flew around Suzaku's back as if he was his last life line and held him closer to his body, stifling his cries against his shoulder.

Suzaku was so close, as he was sure Lelouch was as well. He reached a hand down between their bodies and gripped his weeping length, pumping it in time with his thrusting.

Lelouch let out a sharp gasp, hips moving more frantically to keep up.

"Oh _god_, Suzakuuuuu." Suzaku growled in response and rested his lips by Lelouch's ear, dulling his voice to a raspy whisper.

"Come for me Lelouch. Come for me and _only_ me."

Lelouch's face turned a shade of pink, his breathing becoming more and more fervent. He couldn't take it anymore. He could feel that coiling sensation in the pit of his stomach again. With one more jerk of his hand, Lelouch's hips arched off the bed and a loud cry poured from his lips, streams of white coating between their chests.

Suzaku's teeth clenched when he felt the other's muscles constricting around him, allowing him one last hard thrust before emptying himself into the warm body.

Both boys stilled after that, Lelouch's body dropping back to the bed and Suzaku's falling on his shortly after. Both their breathing was heavy while they basked in the aftermath. Surprisingly, Lelouch was the first one to move after a few minutes, his hands reaching up to cup the sides of Suzaku's face, tilting it in his direction.

"Promise me..promise me that you'll only love me until the time comes."

"Lelouch.."

"Promise me, Suzaku."

Suzaku stared at him for a moment, green eyes peering into those deep violet ones.

"I promise."

Lelouch could tell by the way he was looking at him that he was sincere. Though he knew if he brought up the situation anymore Suzaku would fight with him about it. So for now, he would take that as his only vow. Closing his eyes, he pulled the brunette down for a soft kiss, hands keeping their place against his face.

Suzaku's own eyes closed, though returning the kiss somewhat lazily from his current state. He would keep that promise for as long as they lived. Though he vowed to himself he wouldn't take his lover's life. Not even if he begged him to afterwards.

That much, he would simply refuse.

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**R&R Would be much appreciated.**


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